Not a very happy Blog this one 
I thought by writing down how I felt might help me to understand.
I have been depressed for over a year now although I think I have been ill for alot longer, it took a very happy change in my life for me to start to let go.
The change was finding my partner, after three dates he had asked me to stay and I never went home. Soon after that he noticed that I didn`t eat meals and ork was really stressing me out I would phone him in tears everyday sometimes before I even started work.
We went to my doctors as I hadn`t changed and he wasn`t much help so we went to the local doctors and that was the turning point. He gave me some anti depressants to try, It was only a small dose. Things seemed to pick up alittle but I was having thoughts about ending it all, to the point where I knew I had to go back to my doctors but when I got there they had no appointments for me, lucky for me friends of ours where at home so I ended up there. our friend got me in to see the doctor.
To cut the story short I ended up with six months of work on a higher dose and seeing a counsellor. I have now come off my pills, I have a new job, engaged and a new home which I love, but some of the bad feelings are coming back but i don`t know whether it`s down to getting up early (i`ve had to be in work for as early as 4.30am just recently) but I really don`t want to go back on the pills.
Sorry it`s been a long one but I felt I needed to do this.